My job involves explaining so many idiotic things several times everyday. I had to come up with a lot of tricks to preserve my sanity.
None of them have worked.
I already declared that iphones are for retards. In fact, it is so retarded that it deserves a different dialog. I'm a new texter, I only had a phone for 2 yrs (generally because I thought it was stupid, I mean, why would I want to be constantly at the reach of people I douched or anyone else who may want to douche me?) when it became necessary for work. But "true genius shows itself in any field it chooses" as master Hiko Sijuro (a key figure in my life) once said and I became a texting master in no time. For instance, I learned that you don't have to write the word "boobs" on texts, you just use (.)(.) and if you type a semicolon followed by a close parenthesis, you can digitally wink at all your contacts at the same time!
"Uh.. Di, di ko yan kilala"
But for reasons still unknown to me, I suddenly found my self in a relationship. Now some of you might be guessing, "so that's when texting became screwed up and complicated"
Wrong! That's when I came up with these kick ass rules that I follow to the letter. (and I suggest that you do so too if you want to live a happy life, full of loving experiences) meh
1. Letting her read what's on your inbox seems like a bit of a no-brainer. So lets make "never let her read what's on your inbox" as the first rule. This must be the simplest and most effective rule ever made about texting.
"But how am I suppose to do that?"
SMS is not exactly an unequivocal way to communicate. ( The rest of us will take a brief pause here while you google that word) A simple "Hi!" could be interpreted as flirting. Given this reasoning, tell her that the only reason why she would still want to look at your inbox is to intentionally pick a fight. If she still insists on digitally frisking you, try to convince her that you love her and respect her. Then take a look at her inbox and twist every friendly message from her male friends and accuse her of being a whore. That would prove your point. Of course, when she finally sees it your way and agrees to the rule you may still want to "take a look at her inbox and twist every friendly message from her male friends and accuse her of being a whore" whenever you want to.
This is the most crucial rule. Being able to implement this rule will avoid a dozen of other rules like "erasing flirt messages you receive after forwarding them to others" or "giving dude names to chicks in your contact list".
2. Second would be the "rule of equivalent response". This means that for every three messages she sends, you give her only one in reply. The reason behind this one is very easy to understand. You need to show her who's the boss (no, no, don't ask her) in the relationship.
"What if she starts doing the same thing?"
Girls by nature, wants nothing but to make you feel miserable with guilt. Some of them also have tricks of their own while others who are not smart enough just imitates yours which is more irritating.
If you send her a message and she doesn't reply, you just ignore it. Don't send anymore messeges like "txtbck" or "wla k bng load?" or worse, pasaload 2. Just forget it happened, whining about it makes you look insecure. When you finally meet, dont say anything about it unless she mentions it first. Don't go like "Didn't you get my message last night? I was worried sick about you!" She's right in front of you now. That means that she didn't get kidnapped. She just spent the night at her best friends house. Who is by the way, a Baron Gysler with the looks of Christian Bautista.
"Seriously dude, we just talked"
None of them have worked.
I already declared that iphones are for retards. In fact, it is so retarded that it deserves a different dialog. I'm a new texter, I only had a phone for 2 yrs (generally because I thought it was stupid, I mean, why would I want to be constantly at the reach of people I douched or anyone else who may want to douche me?) when it became necessary for work. But "true genius shows itself in any field it chooses" as master Hiko Sijuro (a key figure in my life) once said and I became a texting master in no time. For instance, I learned that you don't have to write the word "boobs" on texts, you just use (.)(.) and if you type a semicolon followed by a close parenthesis, you can digitally wink at all your contacts at the same time!
"Uh.. Di, di ko yan kilala"
But for reasons still unknown to me, I suddenly found my self in a relationship. Now some of you might be guessing, "so that's when texting became screwed up and complicated"
Wrong! That's when I came up with these kick ass rules that I follow to the letter. (and I suggest that you do so too if you want to live a happy life, full of loving experiences) meh
1. Letting her read what's on your inbox seems like a bit of a no-brainer. So lets make "never let her read what's on your inbox" as the first rule. This must be the simplest and most effective rule ever made about texting.
"But how am I suppose to do that?"
SMS is not exactly an unequivocal way to communicate. ( The rest of us will take a brief pause here while you google that word) A simple "Hi!" could be interpreted as flirting. Given this reasoning, tell her that the only reason why she would still want to look at your inbox is to intentionally pick a fight. If she still insists on digitally frisking you, try to convince her that you love her and respect her. Then take a look at her inbox and twist every friendly message from her male friends and accuse her of being a whore. That would prove your point. Of course, when she finally sees it your way and agrees to the rule you may still want to "take a look at her inbox and twist every friendly message from her male friends and accuse her of being a whore" whenever you want to.
This is the most crucial rule. Being able to implement this rule will avoid a dozen of other rules like "erasing flirt messages you receive after forwarding them to others" or "giving dude names to chicks in your contact list".
2. Second would be the "rule of equivalent response". This means that for every three messages she sends, you give her only one in reply. The reason behind this one is very easy to understand. You need to show her who's the boss (no, no, don't ask her) in the relationship.
"What if she starts doing the same thing?"
Girls by nature, wants nothing but to make you feel miserable with guilt. Some of them also have tricks of their own while others who are not smart enough just imitates yours which is more irritating.
If you send her a message and she doesn't reply, you just ignore it. Don't send anymore messeges like "txtbck" or "wla k bng load?" or worse, pasaload 2. Just forget it happened, whining about it makes you look insecure. When you finally meet, dont say anything about it unless she mentions it first. Don't go like "Didn't you get my message last night? I was worried sick about you!" She's right in front of you now. That means that she didn't get kidnapped. She just spent the night at her best friends house. Who is by the way, a Baron Gysler with the looks of Christian Bautista.
"Seriously dude, we just talked"
3. Third is "drunk texting". The thing is, you should never do it. Unless you are me, alcohol can impede your brain function so instead of pressing "Candy" you press "mom".
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